I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
