Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
