I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
