My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
