i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
