I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
