We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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