Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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