You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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