Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
