i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
