My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
