he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
