Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
