the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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