no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
