you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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