found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
