This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize