Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Come on in and take your pants off
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
