drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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