Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
