I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
