fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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