we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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