Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
