How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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