just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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