I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She's the barista slut.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
