You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
