Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
