When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize