I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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