She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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