last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
