All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
