I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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