Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize