Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
