I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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