Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is my gift to your gina
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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