On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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