Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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