didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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