Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
