nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
