eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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