I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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