I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
