brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
