he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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