Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
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