What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
