My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
