Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
