Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have fence marks all over my body
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
