I need help removing her.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
