i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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