Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
