toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
