sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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