Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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