i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
