I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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