Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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