I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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