He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
