I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
