I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
