So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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