The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
