What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize